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I Must Be Ashamed

05 Jan

I must be ashamed
my dreams apprehend me
Cool ethereal subconscious metal
wraps limp, guilty
wrists behind back
A house on fire
my family
and me, ablaze
surreal agony merely
a reflection
of a very real
pain.

My Brother
glowing
red-orange dragon’s breath
in grade school baseball uniform
He hurls fireballs
for strikes
to unknown catchers and
pulls the string on the change-up
just like Dad taught me
I assume
Consuming fire expresses appetite
devouring flesh and uniform
and he throws
and he throws
and he throws
condemning fireballs
for strikes.

My Mother
smoldering
lays kindling across her lap
and bursts into flames
as she picks up the telephone
Uses herself to light a cigarette
inhales smoke
exhales irritation
exhales exhaustion
exhales inaudible exclamations
of rage
fueled by the fire of love
for her son
for me
into the red hot receiver
I would hate
to be the person to
receive
her mighty exhalations
this time
Inhales smoke
exhales smoke
exhales smoke
and love fueled rage
into melting receiver.

My Father
can only try
to put out his fire
with tears
He burns all the same
hissing steam
evaporating like dreams
upon waking
Tears upon making contact
with cheek
leave no trails
but for vapor and
sound
like would be made
if Dragons
wailed
He would rather know
the torture of the
fire on his flesh
than this fire
this fire
this fire
set by his eldest
boy.

I set the fire!
This all-consuming inferno
lit by my fingertips
like sorcery
I did it!
See me with empty eyes
and pained smiles
the fire changes
everything
The smell of smoke
permeates my skin
in sweat of feet and
under-arms
on warm
sunny days
when life feels good
and lived
The smell reminds me
I set the fire
It will never let me
forget.

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Posted by on January 5, 2013 in Poem, Poetry, Uncategorized

 

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