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The Plateau – Nothing left to offer.

09 Jan

This post is a response to another writing challenge I’m involved with at http://writeonedge.com.  This weeks prompt included a picture of hot air balloons and the song “Plateau” from the MTV Unplugged set by Nirvana.  It took me some time to find a direction with these two pieces of inspiration, but ultimately I came out with a dialogue which is a nightmare about my future.

–  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –

“You have access, my dear, to all I have to offer.  Please, make yourself at home.”

“I grant you this, it isn’t all you’ve wished for, but it’s everything I have and you are welcome to it.”

“You’re not smiling, my dear.  Your eyes, they look so sad.  Why, are you crying?”

“I understand.  It’s not enough.  I was afraid, but oh so hopeful.  Look here, a wonderful spot.  You can see right through the trees to the stars.  Isn’t it marvelous?   I often sit here on this big couch and read.  Would you like to sit and read with me?  I have so many wonderful books!  I can offer that, at least.”

“Oh! And on Sunday mornings you can sit here on this couch and watch men and women fly in giant balloons right past this window!  The colors are just wonderful, like something from a story!”

“Please, won’t you share at least one thought, for I know your mind is not as silent as your tongue.”

“Won’t you please just call Mom.”

–  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –  –

I have a long distance relationship with my wonderful 5 year old daughter.  She is the love of my life and our relationship right now is beautiful, but I fear that as she gets older I will have less and less to offer her, as I have very little to offer even myself.  I live a very minimal life that most aren’t accustomed to.  I sit and read more often than not, or go on hikes, usually alone.  This is a literal nightmare from my not so distant future.  I hope it’s never actually the case.  I hope that my love will always be enough for her.

A little heavy for my first Write At The Merge submission, but there it is anyway.  Next time hopefully I’ll lighten it up a bit. 

Peace and One Love,

F.T.

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8 Comments

Posted by on January 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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8 responses to “The Plateau – Nothing left to offer.

  1. Angela

    January 10, 2013 at 5:54 am

    I’d like to think that love is always enough, and you will always be able to offer her a sense of peace amongst the chaos of the world. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece with us. Sometimes I think our fears about how a situation will unfold are much more frightening that the reality.
    ~Angela

     
    • Intentionally F.T.

      January 11, 2013 at 12:43 am

      Angela – Thank you for reading and thank you for your comment. I am sure that, in the end, the reality will work out just fine. But the prompt and the idea of the next plateau and how nothing is ever enough took me in that direction. It is a very real fear, but I’m usually good about being realistic too. 🙂

       
  2. iasoupmama

    January 11, 2013 at 10:01 am

    What a heartbreaking post. I hope that your love is enough always, too. Children know when they are loved…

     
    • Intentionally F.T.

      January 11, 2013 at 9:38 pm

      I believe it will be. I just have the fear, regardless, you know? Thanks for reading! 🙂

       
  3. janekinpis

    January 11, 2013 at 11:22 am

    What a bittersweet post. The best you can do is to offer her love – that is all children need. Lots of love and kisses. Don’t worry about it not being enough. These are the formidable years and you will always be her daddy, even as she moves away from you – as children do, but stay in your heart. Parents usually seem odd or unhip to kids and children do need to separate and find their way, just be accessible and honest. You’ll do fine.

     
  4. Cameron

    January 14, 2013 at 8:05 am

    I hope for you that your fears for the future are no more than just that, fears. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece of yourself with our community.

     
  5. Doris Emmett

    January 14, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    I loved this write…love –if you don’t let yourself doubt it…will be the very best of anything else you can ever offer her!!!

     

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