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Dreadthoughts

27 Jan

I stopped combing my mind so my thoughts could lock
These things take time
So I sit and watch as scattered thoughts
get eaten up and become what you dreaded
My head now full with dreaded thoughts
I use one to tie the others into a knot
of knowledge locked outside tradition
in a way that you could never understand
and wouldn’t even desire the understanding if you attained it

I stand shamelessly naked before you
the doorway to my mind that can only open from the inside
stands agape. My dreads, your dreads, are on full display
but you’re not looking
LOOK AT ME
I have to scream
but at last you turn and seem to see the me
that I have longed so long to show you
I don’t hesitate
I key the lock that cages my smile
and shake loose my dread thoughts
to hang down the sides of my face and frame it
in such a way that you cannot possibly miss that this
is what makes me happy

You cannot possibly miss that this is what makes me happy
yet as I raise my eyes to meet yours
my smile, framed by the reality of who I’ve become
you look away
I wonder if you meet my eyes
when I look in to the camera and smile
in pictures of a time when the dread thoughts in my mind
were just a freeform mess of flyaways
In other words: was I always
this intimidating?

Blue black bruises mar my intellect
battered and abused by broken minds and
convoluted thoughts spoken as though true
time after time
You’re not an intellectual you just watch a lot of news
you’re just a fool like all the other fools
debating who’s more foolish
though, I should stress, never proving who is less
This is depressing
My thoughts are getting messy again
so I grab a pin and start expressing

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
I’m chanting a mental mantra to the god of Consciousness
Meditation is the tool for forming dread thoughts
while walking on the water of fools
You stay above it
But not getting your feet wet is the trick
So I chant again
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
Count to 10
You don’t have to stoop to their level to win an argument
Just let it go
1, 2, 3, 4,

Fuck it, Imma troll this mutha fuckers world
make him wish he’d never hurled that first stone
at me.
Who the fuck you think you are tryin’a come at me
I know you
Your life’s a fucking travesty
I’ll own you in whatever you can choose under the clear blue
You are the reason that conversation is meaningless
You are the representation of the ignorance of obedience
You are the reason I read and the reason I believe in its power
I will devour your intellect as an appetizer
You make me hungrier

Om Shanti Shanti Shanti
This walking on water thing is hard and
sometimes I fall in
but I’m learning
and in my heart I’m still yearning
for awareness through self-reflection

I’ve learned my lesson
Awareness isn’t a brightly wrapped package
held carefully in the hands of a lover on bended knee
No, awareness is more like a child laid over bended knee
A discipline in every sense of the word
Including painful
But in the end I guess you could say
It was for our own good

I feel another dread thought forming
I’m sorry for not conforming to what you see as reality
but really all I want is for you to notice my mind
and though my crazy hair and tattoos might make you think otherwise
I’m really just a normal guy who tries
to think about thing a little bit differently than you might
So as the dreaded thoughts inside my mind begin to unite
into one powerful indestructible conga before your eyes
take a good look

Because after this I’m closing the door to this mind
that could have been yours if you’d found the time
or let go of your foolish pride
I’ll keep climbing
My destination is the sky
and I won’t stop untill I fly or I die
But nobody will be able to say that I didn’t try.

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2 Comments

Posted by on January 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Dreadthoughts

  1. deanabo

    January 28, 2013 at 1:46 pm

    This is filled with pain and power. I truly enjoyed it.

     
    • Intentionally F.T.

      January 30, 2013 at 6:22 pm

      Thank you! This is my favorite performance piece. I’m going to upload a video soonish. 🙂

       

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